Shred…

Today on NPR I heard this story about Good Riddance Day 2011 happening in 2011. Folks were lining up for a chance to shred something from 2011 in a symbolic attempt to say goodbye to bad things in 2011 and allow space for good things in 2012. There were humorous things like a wrist brace a woman had to wear after spraining her wrist or the woman who brought things from 6 boyfriends she had this year. There were certainly more serious ones like the woman whose husband and multiple family members spent most of 2011 deployed in Iraq. She was throwing things that represented their deployment into the industrial sized shredder in hopes to have everyone home in 2012.

I got to thinking, “What would I shred of 2011?” I don’t know but perhaps as I work towards my goals for 2012, I should consider the things I need to get rid of to allow room for new improvements.

The Explorer

These days I feel like I’m a tour guide. We are in the stage of pointing to things and saying, “this?” “this?” “this?” which means I’m constantly naming things and pointing back to them. It amazes me to see the things that captures my son’s attention.

At other times I feel more like a security guard. Yes, a hands on the hips, “SECURITY” posted right across the back of my shirt, loud-voiced-rough-and-tumble-stay-away-from-person who is constantly saying “no”. He’s getting really good at going to the object he is suppose to stay away from and shaking his head no while looking at me.

Ledge of the stairs (shakes his head while placing his foot up their anyway)

Dog’s water bowl (shakes his head and points his finger)

Hearth of the fireplace, Christmas Light plug-in, Dog’s cabinet of supplies, etc.

The truth is that I’m amazed at how fast he is learning and picking up on new things. We’re in constant explorer stage where everything is new and amazing. Sometimes when things slow down (rare occasion around here) I stop to think about what he might use these skills for one day. What will his gifts and talents he’s picking up now expose him to later in his life? Who will he become and shape in his life?

And I smile. I know that these moments (even the loud shrills and shrieks) will all soon pass too quickly. There will be a day when I want someone to follow me around in the kitchen. There will be a day when I want him to ask me about the things on the table in front of him. So for now, in the midst of answering his many questions, I’m going to soak it in.

Time passes too quickly. The above picture was taken the first week of January 2011. What a difference a year makes!

Find a little help from my friends… crafty friends..

Let me sum up my Fall for you:

October: Youth Retreat

November: Parker’s 1st Birthday

December: Major Writing Project Due

Yep, that’s where I’ve been. I’m done now and ready to focus on having Christmas fun with my family. I’m also setting my sights on some projects and goals for the new year. This is where I need your help. One of my first plans was to redo an old desk that was my great-great aunt’s. It was in her house forever and I’d love to keep it around in my family forever. It sits in our living area (for now). Currently, it holds our desk top tree that we put up as not to tempt the 13 month old too much. Most of the time, I sit there for writing, blogging, etc.

Meet the desk.

The plan was to take off the side “drop down” leaf that was attached. It wasn’t until I started taking pictures that I realized it has a piece that would leave a hole in the desk if removed. Hmmm, not sure I’ll take the side off now. So, my thought was to stain it a dark color like black or even to paint it black. What do you my crafty friends think?

I also want to update the handles… any suggestions about really great (and affordable) places to get new hardware?

Wordless Wednesday

Eco-Friendly?

I want to take better care of our Earth.

I really do.
I try to use less water -But sometimes forget & let the water run while brushing my teeth.
I try to use recyclable bags at the store- Did I remember to put them in my car?
Most of the time I turn off lights when exiting a room- What do you do when your hands are full?
I want to be a better steward of this precious land, air, water, plants, animals- But a lot of times I simply fail. 

So when I fail, I hope I’ll remember these images of one of my favorite places:

“O Lord, how manifold are your works!
In wisdom you have made them all;
the earth is full of your creatures.
Yonder is the sea, great and wide,
creeping things innumerable are there,
living things both small and great.” Psalm 104:24-25

What things (small or great) are you doing to care for our Earth?

Lessons From the Playground

I’m sure this is just the first of many lessons I will learn from the playground.

P and I traveled this week to my parent’s home and back. I’ve discovered a wonderful Chick-fil-a at the halfway point that has a toddler area. On the way down there, he had just taken his first few steps and it was the perfect area to let him try his new skills. The restaurant itself was not busy so we had the play area to ourselves. Towards the end of our visit, a 4 yr old made his way into the play area. Instead of climbing and sliding, he came over to the toddler area (designated for 3 & under) and begin playing with the same toy P had. P loved that an older kid was paying attention to him. The young boy was really more interested in “showing off” his skills and that he could show me that he knew how to do it too. It was cute, for a little while.

A few days later, we were returning from our trip and stopped off again. After eating lunch, we made our way to the play area. Soon, another kid (about 5) came in and proceeded to come and play with the exact toy P was playing with. I got a little annoyed. It was obvious more than he was interested in the toy, he wanted my attention as the adult in the room. P and I moved to the opening of the slide. He wanted to crawl in and make his way as far as he could go (which wasn’t far). P loved the sound of his voice echoing in the tunnel. He would climb, slide, look back and laugh. It was precious.

You know where this is going right? The bigger kid came over and said he wanted to slide down. Since P wasn’t really old enough to be in the slide, I conceded. After we heard, “Watch me!” multiple times, I simply said, “Great. Could he have a  turn?” Upon which he said, “um, no it’s not really for his age.” So, I took P over to the toddler area again. We were followed by the older kid who immediately began playing where we were standing.

His mother opened the door to the play area and announced it was time for them to leave. His response, “Mom, I slid down the slide five times for that lady and her baby.” My annoyed heart melted. All he wanted was for someone to watch him the way I was watching P so closely. I felt so small in that moment. I told myself (and a friend later) that I hope when P is his age, I’ll  remember this moment and watch P as he slides.

Later in the day, as we were unpacking and I thought about this story again. I thought about his mom. Why wasn’t she watching him? She’s probably seen him slide down that slide and similar ones hundreds of times by now. Maybe she needed a time out and break for 15 minutes? Whatever the reason, I’m glad I was there to watch him slide.

What lessons have you learned from your time on the playground?

Motherhood & Ministry

In July, I spent four Sundays as the interim pastor for the church where we are members. My pastor was on a month long sabbatical leave. I was nervous and excited as the month approached. Will I have enough time to prepare sermons? Will my son feel neglected? Will I feel guilty about not spending more time with him? 

I have chosen to stay home with my son for the this time in his life. It is an intentional decision based on many different things. I have loved it (most of the time) and found out more about myself through this process. However, I also know that I love ministry. I want to continue to be a minister while I am a mother to my son. For years, I have told women they could do both. I have witnessed some great models in motherhood & ministry. But, when the time came for me to do it myself, I had doubts.

As I reflect upon the month, I realize July zipped by so quickly. It was a fun month of preaching and getting to know a congregation I am already learning to love. I was humbled by how quickly folks shared their stories with me. I loved how God used each worship service in unique ways to help us think about rest & renewal in our lives. I enjoyed walking with this congregation as we prayed for our pastor’s time away.

The really fun part was watching my son. He had no idea that his mom had accepted more responsibilities at church. What he did learn was that there were a whole hosts of people ready to play with him on Sunday mornings. He loved having extra play dates with everyone from the preschool minister to the building supervisor. One of my favorite memories was of one morning at staff meeting when I didn’t have childcare for him. We brought a walker up from the nursery and he played but decided that during prayer time. He laughed and called out while we were bringing our requests before God. Momentarily I was slightly embarrassed, but two of the ministers graciously said, “This isn’t the first time children have been with us for staff meeting and it makes it more fun!” At the end of prayer time, our staff was dismissed while the ministers stayed to discuss Sunday’s service, the building supervisor held out his arms and my son jumped into them. Mr. Charlie took Parker for a tour of the church, to play with the ladies in the office, and to find some extra toys. They all took turns playing with him and he didn’t seem to miss me for a moment. He came back to me with a smile across his face.

While I was pastoring the congregation, my son had a chance to see what God looks like– in all the people who helped me care for him. He saw love, laughter, kindness, creativity, & fun. All a few of my favorite parts of the Divine.

I don’t know what the future holds for us but, I am grateful for the moments we had to learn something new in July. May my son and I both continue to be amazed at the ways God reveals God self to us each day. Amen.

Add to Your Reading List

Have you read this book? Download it on your Kindle, buy it here, request it from your library. It’s a human interest story. It’s a story you need to know. Your children need to know it one day. Warning: It may make you feel angry. It may make you feel sad. But it’s the story of a woman who has changed our world and hardly anyone knows her name. You need to keep reading.

And, then pass the book along to someone else.

Lighting a Candle

This morning in the darkness, I lit a candle for several friends this morning. They all have something in common: going through major life transitions. In my heart and in my prayers, I will carry them through this day.

A few moments later I picked up my book, Sacred Journeys by Jan Richardson and read these words:

For the Seed Is the Light of the Earth

In the absence of light
we maintain our eyes cannot see.
We believe our pupils dilate
to a maximum degree and no more.
We are certain our bodies do not glow
with the cold phosphorescence of the bog,
of water, unfathomed, under pressure,
our own, or beyond our making. We assure
ourselves we are exonerated because
we cannot float through the night
graceful with inherent sonar. We think
anatomy keeps us from the dark forest.

I tell you here, in this dark, this
indistinct country, comes our shaped
and fleshed evolution. That step
on the unlit path stretches us,
and those who may come after.
With each hesitant journey
we open, blazing beacon fires,
flashing lanterns from high, distant
hills Dark surrounds us. We are
paradox. We carry our own light
and move in love through the dark,
as the seed loves the earth enclosing it.
- Christina Pacosz (Looking for Home: Women Writing About Exile)

Jennifer, Todd, Emily…. may your steps on the unlit path bring you hope, joy, and peace this day and always.

To My Mother…

My mom starts a new job tomorrow. She’s a little nervous. When I moved away from home for college, I cried the first night. As I was crying, I reached under my pillow and pulled out a letter my mom had put there earlier in the day. Tonight, in an email, I wrote a letter I wish I could have placed under her pillow.

Here’s an excerpt of what I emailed to her earlier tonight:

Several years ago, I can’t remember exactly when, I started imagining the women I’ve come from. I’m from a family of strong women. This is nothing to discount Dad or his side of the family but there is something innate in a woman that is passed down through her maternal side. I know I have it. I come from a line of strong women.

I know you and Gran didn’t always get along. (to say the least) I wish more than anything she could have talked about her alcoholism and ultimately, what she did to stop drinking. As I imagine that time in her life and the moments for the rest of her life, I can’t imagine that was an easy decision. I know too many friends in recovery and making the commitment each and every day to remain clean and sober. As I think about that strength and what it must have required of her– I know she was a strong woman.

I don’t have many memories of you being sick when I was a little girl. I remember visiting you in the hospital lobby but mostly, I’ve heard your stories and the stories of those who helped care for us while you were sick. There have been so many times when I think about how strong you had to have been to fight that battle… both physically and emotionally. You are a strong woman.

Where does the strength come from? I think faith and trust in our God who is greater than we are… and reminding ourselves that we don’t know the bigger picture. I think faith and trust in our God who we know LOVES us and wants the BEST for us.

You will start your job on P’s 9 month birthday. 9 months! I’m simply too overwhelmed at times to think it’s possible true. Dang, I’d like to say it’s been a bed of roses but we both know I’d be lying. Thankfully, God blessed me with a baby boy who is as resilent as he can be. I simply could NOT have made it through the first two months of his life without you… as my cheerleader, my nurse, but most of all my mother.

I got through that time because God surrounded me with a great cloud of witnesses that included you standing beside me and cheering me on. Even when the physical pain was gone and I was left sorting through the emotional pain of it all, you let me cry. You let me be your child and show you my fear. You let me grieve what i had missed and was missing out on.

And, through faith, prayers, and rallying that good ole’ Chesnut, Newsome, etc. strength, I got through it.

I never intended on posting on this on my blog. However, as I wrote it, I felt like it needed to be a testimony for other’s to see. Indeed, I come from a long line of strong women. Thanks be to God!

If you are the praying type, please pray for my mom as she begins her new job tomorrow.